a couple weeks back or so, i was on break with one of my bosses and we got to talking about one of his teenagers, and how he was having all kinds of problems at school. this naturally lead to me thinking about my days as a teenager and my problems at school and how different things are today, a mere 8 years out of high school, and that i seemed to be a seperate person all together back then...
things are SO DIFFERENT and yet i feel like it was last year that i was at the high, hanging out on the fenceline with my friends during the 6 minute intervals between classes.
i remember clothes shopping for the new school year. buying school supplies that ultimately rarely got used. goofing off in the back of the class and being cool with the teacher so i always did fine. i remember those friends who were "class specific," who were the people whom i sat near in whatever class we shared, and they became my support group through the "grueling" school year, although we rarely ever hung out together outside of class. i remember talking about how graduation was so far away. i remember talking about how just the weekend was so far away. i remember heading to friends' houses on weekend nights because their parents were gone so naturally everyone headed over there to kick it. shooooooot, i remember when MY parents would be out of town and i'd have a multitude of people come over to kick it. i remember the shenanigans and the inside jokes. the dreams and the drama. i remember hit songs and stylish fads (trucker hats anyone?). i remember getting shoes that matched t-shirts, t-shirts that no one else had.
i remember struggling to find indepedence. being asian/filipino, i naturally kicked it with those like myself; not exclusively, just preferrably i guess. i remember, during my sophomore year or so, i had reached a crossroads. there was a song that everyone loved called "make'em say uhhhhhhh" by a cat named master P. i thought this was the dumbest song i'd ever heard. up until this point i had been pretty compliant with everything my large group of friends were down with and had kind of been along for the ride. and when i didn't jive with that song, i think, for the very first time, i'd considered my autonomy.
from that moment on i pondered what it meant to be me, an individual. i thought long and hard about the things i did and the reasoning behind them. i thought about the things i "believed" and whether or not i truly needed to keep believing them. i tried new things, stopped doing old things, and even re-started doing some things i had done before. who i was in high school became a remnant of the person i sought to be in years after high school, and likewise that person is now a faded image of who i am now. some things remained, other things changed, but through it all i began learning who i was, and more importantly, in my opinion, who i was not.
so here i am, 8+ years out of high school. i have a beautiful wife. a pretty sweet apartment in a pretty cool city. i have a grown up job and grown up bills. hilarious friends and family with nieces and a nephew in tow. a 401k. i have a wii and a ps2 and more games than i honestly have time to play. i'm still learning about who i am as a husband. a Christian. a son. a brother. a friend. i'm learning that i'm quite the grouch when i'm asleep... and /or just sleepy. i'm coming to the slow and sad realization that my inner-hardcore-gamer is not who he used to be, to my wife's delight i'm sure. i'm learning that the way i approached school, is not an option for the way i approach my job. that all those years of not having a plan in life are catching up to me. i'm learning that my disregard for consequence, for cause and effect are no longer viable options because now there is far more at stake. i'm learning what it means to be responsible and dependable. to be righteous and walk with integrity. i'm learning the differences of being an adult rather than an being merely an old child.
now don't get me wrong. by any means, i'm not saying that i have it all down. are you serious?! have you even met me? but like many things in life, it's a process. there are (many) days that i'd love nothing more than to cast responsibility aside and do something completely mindless. i just realize now that those days need to take a backseat to real life.
things are SO DIFFERENT and yet i feel like it was last year that i was at the high, hanging out on the fenceline with my friends during the 6 minute intervals between classes.
i remember clothes shopping for the new school year. buying school supplies that ultimately rarely got used. goofing off in the back of the class and being cool with the teacher so i always did fine. i remember those friends who were "class specific," who were the people whom i sat near in whatever class we shared, and they became my support group through the "grueling" school year, although we rarely ever hung out together outside of class. i remember talking about how graduation was so far away. i remember talking about how just the weekend was so far away. i remember heading to friends' houses on weekend nights because their parents were gone so naturally everyone headed over there to kick it. shooooooot, i remember when MY parents would be out of town and i'd have a multitude of people come over to kick it. i remember the shenanigans and the inside jokes. the dreams and the drama. i remember hit songs and stylish fads (trucker hats anyone?). i remember getting shoes that matched t-shirts, t-shirts that no one else had.
i remember struggling to find indepedence. being asian/filipino, i naturally kicked it with those like myself; not exclusively, just preferrably i guess. i remember, during my sophomore year or so, i had reached a crossroads. there was a song that everyone loved called "make'em say uhhhhhhh" by a cat named master P. i thought this was the dumbest song i'd ever heard. up until this point i had been pretty compliant with everything my large group of friends were down with and had kind of been along for the ride. and when i didn't jive with that song, i think, for the very first time, i'd considered my autonomy.
from that moment on i pondered what it meant to be me, an individual. i thought long and hard about the things i did and the reasoning behind them. i thought about the things i "believed" and whether or not i truly needed to keep believing them. i tried new things, stopped doing old things, and even re-started doing some things i had done before. who i was in high school became a remnant of the person i sought to be in years after high school, and likewise that person is now a faded image of who i am now. some things remained, other things changed, but through it all i began learning who i was, and more importantly, in my opinion, who i was not.
so here i am, 8+ years out of high school. i have a beautiful wife. a pretty sweet apartment in a pretty cool city. i have a grown up job and grown up bills. hilarious friends and family with nieces and a nephew in tow. a 401k. i have a wii and a ps2 and more games than i honestly have time to play. i'm still learning about who i am as a husband. a Christian. a son. a brother. a friend. i'm learning that i'm quite the grouch when i'm asleep... and /or just sleepy. i'm coming to the slow and sad realization that my inner-hardcore-gamer is not who he used to be, to my wife's delight i'm sure. i'm learning that the way i approached school, is not an option for the way i approach my job. that all those years of not having a plan in life are catching up to me. i'm learning that my disregard for consequence, for cause and effect are no longer viable options because now there is far more at stake. i'm learning what it means to be responsible and dependable. to be righteous and walk with integrity. i'm learning the differences of being an adult rather than an being merely an old child.
now don't get me wrong. by any means, i'm not saying that i have it all down. are you serious?! have you even met me? but like many things in life, it's a process. there are (many) days that i'd love nothing more than to cast responsibility aside and do something completely mindless. i just realize now that those days need to take a backseat to real life.
